This morning as I departed my humble abode, I was confronted by some rather obnoxious, brightly-colored signs which were affixed to the gate at the exit of my commune.
In order to enter and exit the premises, one must pass through a metal gate which remains locked at all times. From my limited understanding of the mechanics of metal gates, they happen to slam, albeit rather loudly, when they are put into practical use by individuals who wish to come and go as they please. When choosing an apartment to reside in, I considered the proximity to said gate and decided it would be best to live somewhere where I would remain unaffected by the noise which said gate causes… That’s just me though.
A few weeks ago, a presumably angry fellow tenant decided it was OK to post this blandly-colored sign reading: “Please Close The Gate Quietly Behind You. Do Not Let It Slam! Thank You For Your Consideration”. As of this morning, I assume the sign was not living up to its intended purposes. Admittedly, I am not a very considerate person, however, I took the time to consider the request, but decided it was best to not obey this baseless sign. Apparently, I’m not the only person who doesn’t take their cues from unsolicited signage, especially ones that are visually unappealing.
Fast forward to today and there are now 3, yes, 3 more signs taped to the gate! They are written on more visually-appealing slabs of pink, hot pink, and baby blue construction paper, respectively. Nothing irritates me more than bossy people. So let me ask you, thou nameless sign poster, who the actual fuck do you think you are? Normal people complain to the management, instead of wasting their time on nonsense arts & crafts projects. Perhaps you complained to management and they told you to go pound sand because you chose, I repeat, YOU CHOSE (see I can use bright colors and underline shit too), to live next to a mother fucking metal slamming ass gate, right?
So Seriously, STOP Posting Signs About Letting The Gate Slam! Just Because You Are A Loser/Aren’t Getting Laid/Are Unemployed Doesn’t Mean That I Am Too. Why Don’t You Be More Considerate Of My Own Free Will. Despite What YOU May Think, You Are Also Not The Only Person In This World, Therefore I Refuse To Play By YOUR Rules, Motherfucker.
So what did you actually accomplish besides becoming the target of my vitriol? Just to spite you, I opened the gate as far as it would go this morning and slammed the absolute fuck out of it just to prove a point. If you really think your little signs are a deterrent to people slamming the gate, you are gravely mistaken. It just leaves an opening to obnoxious people like myself to just annoy you more. Next time you go apartment hunting, maybe you should consider your proximity to objects that make noises late at night. You do not control peoples comings and goings from this community, and if they CHOOSE to respect your wishes, then you should feel honored. Or if you are such a light sleeper, take an ambien or something and stop imposing your will on others, you self-righteous fuckwad.
Til next time..