Archive for the ‘General Annoyance’ Category

I know its like 60 degrees and all…

Posted: December 3, 2012 by Tim in Completely Pointless, General Annoyance, Rant or Review
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Left, A typical Pittsburgh Male. Dressed for all occasions.

Left, A typical Pittsburgh Male. Dressed for all occasions.

Hey again! After a long hiatus, I’m back. Let’s see how this goes..

So, you woke up this morning, you reek of day-old Axe body spray, there’s a half eaten bagel bite face-down on the sheets, but you had a fucking awesome time with your bro’s last night, so that’s all that matters anyway…right?!

You turn on the news and see its going to be an unseasonably warm December day. Wow, what a treat! I mean, days like this only come like, 5 months out of the year. But hey, summer is over, and you haven’t quite gotten around to putting those cargo shorts away for the long winter. You knew this day would come, you just fucking knew it would.

That day where you could say “fuck it” to the world. Throw your middle finger at every rational thinking human being who dressed appropriate today, because after all, summers still aren’t 40 degrees in the early-morning/late-evening hours. But hey, you make the rules, and who gives a shit about rules.

Yes, that’s right. Spray another layer of Axe, pull out those wrinkly khaki cargo shorts that you haven’t worn since that “sick” Skrillex concert, spray some wrinkle-reducer on your finest plaid and/or Polo shirt, throw on a respectable backwards cap of some school that you’ve probably never even set foot on, and you are ready to make some females tremble in their pants from excitement! Nothing says “I’m dressed for any occasion”, quite like you.

While I’m not the most fashionable male out there, I do recognize the absurdity of bro-fashion. You can spot them a mile away in the summer, and in the right conditions, from 10 miles away in the winter. Nothing screams “douche” more than cargo shorts and a plaid/Polo shirt (not even people who imitate/idolize the Jersey Shore characters), but especially in the fucking winter.

This type of fashion can only be described as the “Pittsburgh Male Syndrome”. I coined this term after several years of intense research while traveling to Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, or I as presume, “The Bro Capital of the US”. Every knuckle-dragging, Miller Lite guzzling, mouthbreating, Big Ben supporting “Yinzer” follows this universal code for fashion: Cargo + Plaid (or Polo) = Sex(?) I’m still trying to figure out the solution, hence the question mark. Is it simply lazy fashion, or have people devolved into some kind of disgusting light beer swigging race of useless breeders hellbent on reproducing an entire race of jackass primates and Steelers fans? I hope not..

In conclusion, I know it is hard to resist the urge to dust off the cargo’s during an Indian Summer, but just don’t do it. Go back to wearing visors or backwards pants some other god-awful mindless trend. Not even Leonardo DiCaprio can make that style look good. So do us all a favor and just fucking dress warm in December, you douchers. Otherwise, people will think you’re from Pittsburgh or something..

Its an awful look, just stop it.

Its an awful look, just stop it.

On Staples and Chinese Food

Posted: April 28, 2012 by Sean Rossman in Completely Pointless, General Annoyance
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I’m just going to say it.

I wish to make a complaint.

The last time I checked in with Herro Prease! I complained about the lawmedy known as Franklin & Bash and it’s almost certain cancellation. Besides simply the unabashed lack of creativity spent developing the show, its other offense was the careless abuse of the actor Mark-Paul Gosselaar, also known as the blonde Tom Cruise. He deserved better.

But anyway, here it is:

Chinese takeout restaurants have been grossly encroaching on the safety standards of modern-American takeout procedure that had been in place for over 50 years. It’s been such a slow and often seamless overstepping of food safety that a communist takeover of this country seems more and more likely.

Think about ordering take-out as a youngster, even say, 10 years ago. You had the same brown paper bag, the same tin, paper box, or styrofoam container, a few napkins, and the timeless fortune cookie.

Fast-forward to modern day. Now try picturing the placid landscape of exotic fried food from the orient as it is when it arrives at your doorstep. At first it will seem normal, but now try simply opening the bag. The sweet, tender yield of a paper bag is supplanted with the resistance of atleast 3 staples on the opening of the bag.

Staples, commonly an office fixture for holding together documents that should seldom be pulled apart, are in no way at fault. They are a good office utensil. They are more permanent than a paperclip, and less permanent than adhesive, they are the best of both of the worlds, and should be lauded for that.

But chinese food take out places have irresponsibly, and possibly with malice, taken the virtue of the staple and placed it within the take out food realm. This is bad, and the reasons are as follows:

1. The use of staples violates the criteria required of a take out carrier container. Take out carrier containers require two criteria:

a.) The take out container must be able to adeptly hold the item.

b.) The take out container must have a clever device to which a human hand, and not a jostle of the container, is able to open.

An example of the "clever device" known as the tuck-under flap on paper box packaging.

The difference between the “device” I have described and the ability to “hold,” or the two criteria I just mentioned are radically      different, something that Chinese take out packaging procedure has ignored. One involves the intelligence of a human being, the other is the product of engineering. You see, the “clever device” is the part that is to be impenetrable to the wear and tear that occurs in transportation. It is “clever” because it is not activated by pure force, but by the willful employment of human intelligence. Examlples of “clever devices” are the tuck-under flap on styrofoam containers, the fold-over-the-sides margin on tin packaging, and the variation of the tuck-under flap on the paper box packaging. All ably do their duty. All are impenetrable to normal wear and tear but can be activated by a human readily. The use of staples clearly violates this construct. By attempting to use staples as a bit of added security to their already stellar packaging, the chinese food take out restaurant has thus impeded one essential element of the takeout container in lieu of the added support relevant in the “holding” element.

This creates a problem. Staples are not for the human hand. Yes, you could argue that staples do fit the characteristic of the “clever device” element I described earlier, since we humans are aware of how to pull them out. BUT the “clever device” element is not composed only of simple human intelligence, but human intelligence and ability. And human beings have not the dexterity nor the derma-strength to take out one of these bitches manually, and no one, should ever, under any circumstances, readily have a staple remover. Thus, the  bag becomes such a painful and tedious process that you end up tearing the bag and risk puncturing skin in the process.

2. Isn’t the idea to keep small pieces of metal AWAY from food? I mean, c’mon Chinese food, you already have a pretty miserable reputation on proper food preparedness/food composition that you can’t be taking risks with thin pieces of metal. The reputation, by the way, is no longer a reputation, but firmly a part of American lore.

That is all.

Please take note. Keep calm and carry on, and other phrases.

I Live Life By Seeing Life Live

Posted: April 27, 2012 by Tim in Completely Pointless, General Annoyance
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Worse than the holocaust

Something I always though was cool about my life, or life in general, is that I’m not blind and have a pretty good idea of what is occurring around me while I am “in the moment”. Such as at a concert or sporting event. The fact that I am there, in person, observing, is simply enough for me. The memory I created from being at that event at that point in time satisfies me in ways that a grainy cell phone photo or a muffled/shaky cell phone video can ever accomplish. Maybe that’s just me, but I like being in that moment, where I don’t have some 6’4 jackass high school quarterback pushing to get in front of me so he can raise his 2002 fucking flip phone in front of me to record this song that you’ll never fucking hear anyway because it sounds like the speakers in your phone are going to implode then upload it to youtube so it gets 56 views in 3 years because nobody gives a fuck about your shitty video when they could have just been there in person. You know I’m serious when I go off on an unpunctuated rant. Fuck you people.

What is so hard about using your eyes and ears to appreciate your surroundings? Do you really need to text your friend Becky and be all “OMG BECKY M AT THE CNCRT LOL U SHLD B HERE” and then when Becky sends you back a fucking frowny face because she is an idiot has nothing of actual substance to say back so you hold up your cell phone for 20 minutes trying to take a picture which will end up looking like a shit stain across a black canvass.

Don’t act like its the first concert you’ve ever been to. There are a few simple guidelines to live by. Be respectful of those around you (ex. don’t be a drunk meathead and start a fight because someone brushed up against your girl like every single dickhead that goes to the festival pier), help people up if they fall, and keep your fucking phone in your pocket. People around you won’t hate you and you will have a far better time because you are actually having a real experience. So go with it.

Welcome to the Internet!

Posted: March 30, 2012 by Tim in Completely Pointless, General Annoyance, Tips
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Oh herro there! So you just bought a computer and are on the Internet for the first time, let me be the first to welcome you to it. I understand you have a choice in websites, and I appreciate the fact the you chose mine.

A brief history of the Internet: It was invented sometime in the 1960s by Kim Jong-il who just simply willed it and POOF, Internet created. The American media would have you believe that Al Gore invented this, but I am here to tell you, brothers and sisters, it was not. So don’t believe everything you read, ya turkeys. I don’t really know how it works, I imagine there are wires all over the place and massive underground hamster wheels who are pumped full of amphetamines running 24/7 so people could share pictures of cats and stuff. So there you have it.

Anyway, let me also be the first to warn you about a few things on this world wide web. I know you didn’t have to take a test to get on the Internet, but honestly, everyone should understand a few basic principles.

Nobody gets anything for “free” on here. NO ONE. I’m dead serious about this one. You will probably create a Facebook account so you can share pictures of your little twat children or friend request some person you liked in high school and creep on all of their pictures, because that’s what Facebook is for.. but don’t be ‘that guy’ that clicks on “OMG FREE STARBUCKS GIFT CARDS CLICK HERE” and spams (not the edible kind–spam is a bad thing on here) your entire friends list, who, in turn, click the fucking link and wonder why their computers are infected with a virus (yes your computer can get sick) and all of your friends hate you now. See where I’m going with this? This goes for you too, mom, nobody randomly selected you to win anything, so knock it off.. you aren’t that special.

Don’t open every single email you receive. Again, you are a nobody on the Internet, so always assume someone is trying to scam you out of something. You reading this, Dad? Nobody selected you from a list and thought “hmm, I bet this Tom character would really enjoy some free Viagra”. My general rule of thumb is, if you don’t know who its coming from, then just delete it.

Always assume everything is too good to be true. I think this just piggybacks on my first too points. If it sounds so awesome that you might shit yourself from all the awesomeness, then its probably a scam. You will never get a free vacation, free airline tickets, free cars, free anything. So let me just burst your bubble now. Don’t get your hopes up.

Don’t give out your credit card number. I mean okay, you can give it out if you are buying trinkets on ebay or that 5 gallon poly-bagged foldable collapsible water carrier on Amazon.com you just HAD to have. But other than that, don’t go on shady ass websites and just give out your credit card to anyone who asks for it.

I don’t know there are probably thousands of tips I can give, but I’m lazy. This post was actually going to be about you racist fucks that somehow find my website with your ridiculous search terms. By the sheer chance that the words ‘black’ and ‘people’ appear in various spots on my site, you somehow found this website. So if you are a racist, go fuck yourselves. But I’m going to share a few of my favorite search terms anyway, and these are terms that have been searched-for more than once, so enjoy:

“ugly pictures of black people”, “random black people pictures”, “italian and black people”, “niggers smell bad”, “black person vs ape”, “do people think black people are ugly”, “ugly black kids”. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Go put a gun in your mouth, seriously. There have been hundreds of you finding my site with these search terms, fuck off already.

“Mike Jerrick sucks”. Agreed. Mike Jerrick is the worst human being on the planet, luckily I don’t have cable anymore.

“Danica whoring it up for go daddy”. Agreed. Glad I’m not the only one who despises her presence on this planet.

“potatoes bra”. Riiiiiight. I don’t even have a snarky comment for this, and the fact its been searched more than once is even more disturbing.

“good celebrities for a celebrity death pool”. And every combination of that imaginable. How about this? WHY NOT TRY BEING ORIGINAL YOU RETARDS. There are also searches for wildcard picks too. Its not hard to think up celebrities that you hope will die in the coming year. Try using your brain, you’d be amazed what you might actually ‘think’. Unless you are this moron: “celebrate deats 2011″. 

“5 facts about north korea”. Only 5? Why stop there. I’ll give you 35 facts, so deal with that shit.

“fructyou”. Umm, fruct you too?

“fancycatfaces”, “tough feral cat”. I love you. All of you. Just, not more than I love feral cats.

“jailbait story”, “kiddie porn comic”. I’ll notify the proper authorities.

“pictures to draw on my starbucks cup”. Again, try being original. Just fucking draw something, its not that difficult. Oh, but I need Google to tell me what to draw.

“Sean Rossman“. Stop Googling yourself, Sean.

And finally..

“Herro Prease T Shirt”. Fuck yes. I’ll start selling hand-made t-shirts by request.

It’s been 2 days, Time to move on..

Posted: January 24, 2012 by Tim in Football, General Annoyance
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Due to growing up with the Internet, I have a short window for caring about things and an even shorter attention span. Joe Paterno died 2 days ago (maybe 3). People die every day. People who have cured diseases, people who have been world leaders, people who have been pivotal in the advancement of mankind, and your everyday nobodys. Its just a part of life everyone needs to accept and move on from.

I can understand being upset over such an iconic figure such as Paterno. Someone who has accomplished so much as a college football coach, has helped countless people become a better version of themselves and helped so many people realize potential they never thought possible. Believe me, I fucking get it.

But where the line needs to be drawn is not twisting this into an outcry of statewide mourning. Gov. Tom Corbett announced yesterday that flags across Pennsylvania must be flown at half-staff in honor of Paterno until he is buried on Wednesday. As mentioned above, while Paterno may have been a ‘legend’ in his own institution, he did not contribute anything of substance to the State of Pennsylvania or to advancement of mankind as a species. So I completely disagree with this sentiment.

So as my Youtube attention span fades on this issue, I just pray that everyone can heal all of these deep wounds that the passing of Joe Paterno may have caused. I know many of you had to have known his personally, as I comb through the many heartfelt grievances on Facebook and Twitter. I also find it kind of pathetic that many of these same people only chose to attend Penn State because of the presence of Joe Paterno. If you chose to spend tens of thousands of dollars per year to major in University Studies so you can watch a football team every week, then you deserve to be shit on by this economy in the real-world. Welcome to it.

Also, accusing the Board of Trustees of causing the death of Joe Paterno is not only the most childish thing I’ve ever seen, but it just goes to show the amount of intelligence the clouts the atmosphere at Penn State.

Despite what you might think, the world doesn’t revolve around Penn State football. And I don’t either. It’s time to move on, so who’s ready to follow the leader?

Oh, and enjoy the Westboro church on your campus. It sucks, but that’s kind of what happens when you cover-up a boy-rape scandal, sowwwwwwy.

Brightly Colored Signs: A Deterrent to Nothing

Posted: June 3, 2011 by Tim in Completely Pointless, General Annoyance
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You are also not the only person in the world...despite what YOU may think

This morning as I departed my humble abode, I was confronted by some rather obnoxious, brightly-colored signs which were affixed to the gate at the exit of my commune. 

In order to enter and exit the premises, one must pass through a metal gate which remains locked at all times. From my limited understanding of the mechanics of metal gates, they happen to slam, albeit rather loudly, when they are put into practical use by individuals who wish to come and go as they please. When choosing an apartment to reside in, I considered the proximity to said gate and decided it would be best to live somewhere where I would remain unaffected by the noise which said gate causes… That’s just me though. 

A few weeks ago, a presumably angry fellow tenant decided it was OK to post this blandly-colored sign reading: “Please Close The Gate Quietly Behind You. Do Not Let It Slam! Thank You For Your Consideration”. As of this morning, I assume the sign was not living up to its intended purposes. Admittedly, I am not a very considerate person, however, I took the time to consider the request, but decided it was best to not obey this baseless sign. Apparently, I’m not the only person who doesn’t take their cues from unsolicited signage, especially ones that are visually unappealing. 

Fast forward to today and there are now 3, yes, 3 more signs taped to the gate! They are written on more visually-appealing slabs of pink, hot pink, and baby blue construction paper, respectively. Nothing irritates me more than bossy people. So let me ask you, thou nameless sign poster, who the actual fuck do you think you are? Normal people complain to the management, instead of wasting their time on nonsense arts & crafts projects. Perhaps you complained to management and they told you to go pound sand because you chose, I repeat, YOU CHOSE (see I can use bright colors and underline shit too), to live next to a mother fucking metal slamming ass gate, right? 

So Seriously, STOP Posting Signs About Letting The Gate Slam! Just Because You Are A Loser/Aren’t Getting Laid/Are Unemployed Doesn’t Mean That I Am Too. Why Don’t You Be More Considerate Of My Own Free Will. Despite What YOU May Think, You Are Also Not The Only Person In This World, Therefore I Refuse To Play By YOUR Rules, Motherfucker. 

So what did you actually accomplish besides becoming the target of my vitriol? Just to spite you, I opened the gate as far as it would go this morning and slammed the absolute fuck out of it just to prove a point. If you really think your little signs are a deterrent to people slamming the gate, you are gravely mistaken. It just leaves an opening to obnoxious people like myself to just annoy you more. Next time you go apartment hunting, maybe you should consider your proximity to objects that make noises late at night. You do not control peoples comings and goings from this community, and if they CHOOSE to respect your wishes, then you should feel honored. Or if you are such a light sleeper, take an ambien or something and stop imposing your will on others, you self-righteous fuckwad. 

Til next time.. 

Condom Sense

Posted: April 26, 2011 by Tim in Completely Pointless, Fails, General Annoyance
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Location: 8th and Green Sts, Philadelphia PA

I felt compelled to write this post today after a disgusting, yet unsurprising find on a recent walk through my neighborhood. If the title of this article misled you into thinking that I would be writing about advocating condom usage, then I apologize (for the record, I do support it). This post is more-or-less to analyze the mindset of the individual who decided to dispose of this most intimate and personal item on a city sidewalk as opposed to, you know, a trash receptacle.

Just as a brief side note to this story, I saw this particular condom rotting into the fabric of the sidewalk a week ago, only to find it still laying in the same place as of yesterday evening.. and here we are.

I want to run a few scenarios to really figure out why this phenomenon would occur, and I do appreciate any input fellow readers may have into this subject. So without further ado:

  1. Cheating spouse/partner. Perhaps the condom could not be properly disposed inside of a residence because the unsuspecting partner would find out of their infidelities.
  2. Forgetfulness. Perhaps after the act of sexual congress commenced,  the culprit simply got dressed without removing said condom and didn’t realize until they hit the streets. Rather than find the nearest trash can, they took it off and flung it to the ground.
  3. No trash cans. Philly is notorious for litter which can be attributed to the lack of trash bins. Since the sanitation department is completely mafia-controlled, they could care less how dirty the city is.
  4. A conscientious rapist. While I hope this is not the case, perhaps a rapist didn’t want to infect the victim with their nasty sexually transmitted diseases.
  5. A laissez-faire attitude toward littering. This is likely the most logical explanation. As mentioned above, people in Philly tend to litter more regardless of the proximity of trash bins. Simply put, throwing trash in the streets makes it someone else’s problem.
  6. Culprit was unaware of how to dispose of a condom. Many people are idiots. Condoms do not explicitly tell you how to throw away a condom, so when all else fails, toss it in the street.
  7. Someone got caught. Perhaps the boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse came home a little too early and caught the cheater in the act. Culprit simply ran out, condom on and all, and again, whipped it into the streets as to remove any and all links to the encounter.
These are just my ideas, I happily encourage anyone to weigh in on this as I am completely dumbfounded to why this occurred.
Til next time, out..

Sneak Preview: Soul Surfer

Posted: April 6, 2011 by Tim in Completely Pointless, General Annoyance, News, Sports
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I have never been so compelled to write a movie pre-review in my entire life until now. While watching Morning Joe brought to you by Starbucks on MSNBC (name dropping hard this morning), I came across a discussion on the upcoming ‘Soul Surfer’ movie. For the record.. I have not seen this movie. For the record.. I will not be seeing this movie. So if you are planning on seeing it, don’t be alarmed. There are no spoilers (although its safe to assume she either gets attacked by a shark–or we meet up shortly after a shark attack).

This ‘inspirational’ tale follows the story of a precocious wunder-surfer named Bethany Hamilton. In 2003, the then 13-year old champion surfer was attacked by a tiger shark whilst surfing in what I assume to be the ocean. Judging from the picture above, the shark took a massive hole out of her surfing board, as well as removed her left arm completely from her body. While once a strong willed 2 armed 13-year old girl, she presumably became a dejected 1-armed 13 year old girl with a bright future ahead of her.

The ‘accident’ (I use quotes because when you go out into the ocean looking like a tasty ass seal, you are–or should be–well aware that sharks may think you look fucking delicious) occurred on October 31, 2003. By January 10, 2004, she was already back in the mother fucking ocean surfing in some major event. I’ll give her that, she’s one tough kid for getting back into the forsaken ocean and surfing a major competition. Of course the feel good story of the year media machine is kicked into full gear and she is offered, like, book deals, appearances in Time and People, as well as appearances on 20/20, GMA, Inside Edition, Oprah, Ellen, and Leno. She even won $25,000 on are you smarter than a 5th grader…..WOW. Oh and she appeared on ABC’s Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. It just proves that Americans love a feel-good jailbait story!

Her 2004 biographical book was the inspiration for the upcoming movie. I mean, she isn’t Miley Cyrus or Justin Bieber, who command a whopping 176 and 240 pages in their books respectively. Her book is as long as Biebers….. seriously. From what I’ve been reading, she was pretty much a surfer for the practical part of her 14-year existence as well as a religious freak of some sort. She didn’t grow up in Canada as a woman, post videos of herself on youtube singing and dancing, transform into a lesbian boy, make it big in the US, and become a teen sensation by age 14. She surfed. I can see how Bieber would command such a page turner, but surfing, meh..

So whatever, she lost an arm, 4 months later shes back surfing. She overcame obstacles, fear, etc etc etc. But the real reason she prevailed, in her mind, and apparently everyone else’s minds, is because of her Christian faith and her belief in the Jesus. Who could see that one coming? I didn’t have an issue with the Jesus thing until other people on Morning Joe were justifying her courageous acts because of her faith in the Jesus. I did some searching and everything from her wiki page to youtube videos is all about Jesus this and Christianity that, check it out:

I’ll save you some time.. skip to about 0:45 where the religioilia begins:

Maybe I am being a bit unfair, but come on. If you want to surf, and you love fucking surfing, then you are gonna get out in the water and surf again. Jesus doesn’t make you do something you aren’t comfortable with. She truly loved surfing. She did it her whole life. It could have been worse, the shark could have bit off your leg or your head. Don’t get me wrong, it took a lot of guts to go back in the shark-infested ocean again, but its like a bowler saying how courageous he is for getting back on the lanes after losing an arm in a freak bowling ball return accident. But bowling is fucking easy tho. You technically don’t even need arms….or legs:

So I think its safe to say.. I’m not exactly impressed by this story. Had she lost an arm and became a champion softball/tennis/basketball/hockey player, then maybe we can talk. Hell, if she became a one-legged surfer I would be even more impressed because you know, you actually need legs as opposed to arms, for surfing. But no, lets give her a special ESPY for being so inspirational to all the one-armed people of the world. Give me a break. People are a lot worse off, but you showed that even though you suffered this life-altering injury, you got back on a board 4-months later and still competed. Its even more impressive that you went pro and joined the NSSA circuit. I just don’t think you deserved a movie, sorry.

Til next time.. faith be with you.

People are incompetent

Posted: March 9, 2011 by Tim in Completely Pointless, Fails, General Annoyance
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For those of you who don’t know–or don’t really care, I am employed as a dream weaver, miracle worker, and a guy who has access to that magical button that will somehow get you free and/or deeply discounted flights. This profession is otherwise known as ‘travel agent’ or as I like to call it ‘Consultant of Travel Services’. Hey, if everyone at Bank of America is a VP of some meaningless department and has some nonsense title, why can’t I?

There are 2 things that piss me off the most in my profession. 1) People who think I can slash airline prices and 2) People who blatantly, or at least hint at the fact that they will be shopping around the second they get off the phone with me. Why not just say “hey, don’t spend a lot of time on me because I’m either not serious, or I will just book with someone else who spent less time because they are saving me $5 more than you.”

The problem with the first point is that literally nobody can discount airline tickets anymore. If you are a fellow agent, I welcome your input as well. I don’t charge people extra for booking tickets, I don’t make any money on the tickets, and I sure as shit am not hiding anything on you. I hate the airlines as much as you. I do not work for the airlines, so don’t get pissed off at me when I tell you how much your flight to Vegas is going to cost. If you don’t have the money to fly, I assume you don’t have the money to piss away in Vegas either, so maybe you should consider traveling when your financial situation permits.

When you bitch about how much it costs to travel I assume certain things about you–That you clearly put no time or effort into researching your trip and you expect me to do all of the work for you AND that you think I have the magic button that allows me to slash your prices to pay what you want to pay. I have some news for you people, brace yourselves, it costs money to travel. My company, which shall remain nameless, ran a special for a 9-day trip to China from $2214 for 4 people. Now, I know it doesn’t specify.. but any person who understands China would realize that this cost is per person, based on 4 people in your group. This chick thought she could fly 4 people to China for 9 days for $2214. The sad part is, I thought she was really serious in the beginning. I even got her an amazing deal on air which was $970 per person…TO FUCKING CHINA. Thats an amazing deal. I spent wayyyy too much time on this and it made my head spin when she said YIKES that’s too expensive… YA THINK? Clearly, she had no fucking idea where China even was.

So yeah, people, if you are going to call your travel agent.. please have SOME idea of where you want to go, when you want to go, and have a realistic budget in mind. If you tell me you want to go to France in the middle of June for $500 a person I’m going to laugh at you and hang up. Do your homework first.

This brings me to my second point. If you want a travel agent to take you seriously, don’t ask if you can get better rates through, say, AAA. Of course, I’m still going to try my best to give you the absolute best service, the best price, and the level of professional courtesy you expect, however, you are basically telling me not to waste too much time on you. Just use some common sense people. I don’t call you at Bank of America and say “hey, Citibank is going to give me a 10% interest rate on this loan when you are offering 12%”. See what I mean?

The main reason why I wrote this wasn’t to bitch about my job or the people that make it difficult. In fact, it wasn’t even a ‘person’ who caused me to  believe everything/everyone is incompetent. Actually, I took issue with a particular resort in Jamaica, which also shall remain nameless. Now, I understand Jamaica is laid back and I can expect a slow turnaround when I send an email request to your resort. But your property happens to be extremely well known and world-renown for its service. I send an email 3 1/2 weeks ago to request that my clients have a child safety seat for their shuttle from the airport to the resort. I finally get a reply back yesterday about pricing for transfers and for me to give them the clients flight info. The problem? They already have all of this information AND it was already paid for. I respond back explaining it and receive an ‘out of office’ reply that she won’t be returning til the day before my clients arrive. I am given the email of another associate who can assist me in this matter. I send an email, in the nicest possible way that I am capable of, explaining the situation, etc. I receive another ‘out of office’ reply that she is out of the office until 2 days before they arrive and to contact the person who is out of the office til the day before with all pressing matters. Hello? Are you serious?

If you are running a damn 5-star resort, I expect a damn reply within that week. Not nearly a month later. At least coordinate your out of office replies as to not make my job more difficult than it has to be. Also, please actually look my clients up before you send some cookie-cutter response to me. That my friends, is the definition of INCOMPETENCE..

A mind is a terrible thing to waste, and clearly, people are wasting away.

Til next time, oooouuutttt

Tell me… Where is the LOVE?

Posted: February 7, 2011 by Tim in Completely Pointless, General Annoyance
Tags: , , , , , , , ,
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I feel like I’m the only person in the world who enjoyed the Super Bowl Halftime show last night. I mean, OK, its not like the Black Eyed Peas pulled out anything crazy, but it was 100 times more enjoyable than the last few geriatric snooze-fests. Seriously.. Tom Petty, The Who, Springsteen.. Man they really got those toes tapping the last few years. And oh wait, the halftime show featured four people who weren’t on the wrong side of 50 AND had a female on stage for the first time since the whole “wardrobe malfunction” fiasco.

I guess after a few years of retirement acts, people expect the same old crap from the halftime show. But the producers tried to change it up and bring out an act thats actually released a few albums in the past decade. Not to mention it was probably one of the best choreographed performances I’ve seen since the opening of the China Olympics.. although they are still questionable.

And after all the talk all week about who has better hair– Steelers Troy Polamalu, Packers Clay Matthews, or Packers Brett Keisel — I think that award has to go to Will.I.Am for his plastic hair helmet, also he had SB XLV BEP carved into the back of his head. Somebody PLEASE give him the MVP. I’m convinced that will.i.am single-handedly provided the spark that the Packers needed to win that game. Aaron Rodgers was just an after thought.

Oh and one more thing. THEY DROPPED FROM THE FUCKING SKY!! I’m positive that any act from the previous 6 halftime shows would have broken a hip trying to pull off something this outrageous. I was instantly fired up when I saw them drop down onto the stage. I don’t care– that’s awesome. So their microphones weren’t exactly functioning properly. I blame that on Jerry Jones more than anything. But its not like they forgot the words to the National Anthem or anything…

The part with Slash kind of sucked, I could have done without that. But don’t tell me that Urrsher’s dance moves didn’t revive the hell out of that show. I don’t care who you are– if you can’t admit that he’s a hell of a dancer than you just don’t know whats going on with your life. So tell me, where is the love? Did they not bring the Boom Boom Pow enough for you? Did you not have the time of your life? Was it not a good, good night? I’ve got a feeling that all these negative reviews are just bitter old people who expected BEP to be as boring as The Who. I can go all day about this but I’ll step back. Maybe I’m just easily impressed?

Out..

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