My options for iced coffee on my morning drive to work are pretty limited, given the inherent ghettoness of the hour long drive I must endure each morning. Apparently small locally-owned coffee shops don’t fare as well in destitute neighborhoods, which leaves room for the corporate powerhouse chains to swoop in and corner the coffee market in these areas. I guess the main bullet point of this paragraph is that Dunkin Donuts is really my only option for iced coffee in the morning. Moving on.
Dunkin Donuts has been getting pretty crayzy (purposeful misspelling) recently with the additions of mocha-flavored iced coffee in combination with the likes of almonds and caramel. I must admit, they are decent. Today as I drive-by I notice a sign for “Oreo Iced Coffee”. Naturally, I’m intrigued, mainly because the advertisement shows an apparently delicious-looking beverage with magical flying Oreo cookies surrounding it. Just the mere thought of flying cookies has me sold on the endless possibilities of this product.
Let me be the first to tell you, fuck this coffee. Here is an illustration to introduce you to this debauchery:
First of all, when considering this drink, I figured it would taste more-or-less like a cookies-n-cream iced coffee, if such a thing exists. That was my first mistake. The second mistake was actually trusting Dunkin Donuts to not fuck up a perfectly good idea for an iced coffee. I take my first sip, it tastes like a regular black iced coffee. I stir and shake it up a little bit, and MUCH to my surprise, my mouth is inundated with slimy chunks of Oreo cookie.. not the creamy center parts either, the nasty chunky chocolate bits. My mouth is in a serious state of “what the fuck was that” at this point. I should have noticed the chunks from the original advertisement, but to my credit, they did appear to be evenly dispersed in this milieu, not all completely settled to the bottom like someone licked off all of the cream, crushed the cookies, threw them in the bottom of a cup and poured coffee over it (wait, that’s really what it is).
So to recap: Iced Oreo Coffee from Dunkin Donuts
A) Entire Oreo cookies will not magically appear and float around you.
B) It does not appear nor taste as delicious as it looks in the advertisement.
C) It sucks, don’t waste your money.
On a side note.. Do people not drink black coffee? You know, minus the whole cream & sugar thing. I feel like every time I respectfully decline the option for cream and sugar, the servers get so offended or look at me like I’m from France or something. I don’t get it. Its bad for you and, at least to me, offers nothing but wasted space that could have been filled by coffee. Maybe I’m weird.
Anyway.. more to follow, I’m sure.